Deadpool Narates
by Yemi Hikari
Summary: Deadpool narrates a day spent with Wolverine... albeit a short day. (FanFicFriday - Comic-Con) Also requested by my brother.


_Disclaimer – I don't own Marvel's characters. This was written for Wattpad's Comic Con contest where the theme was Comic Con based fandoms as well as having a bar setting. It also needed to be 1000 words give or take a hundred._

_**Deadpool Narrates**_

"One fine Spring day it was sunny and the air reeked of spoiled cabbages while flying pigs fell from the sky. Deadpool and Wolverine walk into a bar."

"Shut up bub."

"'Shut up bub', says Wolverine. Wolverine then proceeds to roll his eyes towards the ceiling in search of the flying pigs that have been falling all day."

"There are no flying pigs bub. We're here because we're after the same guy."

"Wolverine complained that there was no such thing as flying pigs and how sadly disappointed that he couldn't hug one." A smashing sound was heard as a rather large hog went flying through the window. "A flying pig heard his cries and came to say hello. Hello mister flying pig! Aren't you _so_ cute."

"Would you please stop narrating everything. Or are you not really after the same person I am and are just trying to make things harder for me."

"I'm not the one who is narrating." Deadpool suddenly switched to a whisper. "It's that crazy ominous voice from above."

"Yes. The person narrating is this here ominous voice from above," came some strange voice from above the bar. There was a rather loud cracking sound as the Blob came through the ceiling on top of them."

"Deadpools hand hurts," said Deadpool from under the rumble as Wolverine tried going after the Blob. "Deadpool excavates himself from the rubble and sees poor miss flying pig crying because her daddy doesn't want her to marry the lovely, but very stinky head Wolverine."

"I ain't no pigs father!"

"Oh... Deadpool stands correct. Miss flying pig is crying because her big '_brudah_' wants to beat up her wimpy boyfriend."

"I ain't related to no pig! So shut your face!" The blob picked up and flung a table across the room, smashing into bar.

"Oh..." Deadpool looked in that direction. "'_Dah_' Blob just threw a table at Stan Lee and smashed him."

"Bub... that man's name ain't Stan Lee... it's George. Didn't you see his name tag when we came in?"

"Oh... sorry George for not reading your name tag. By the way..." Deadpool climbed up onto the smashed bar. "I would like to order a drink." Wolverine on the other hand began to pummel the Blob in order to get him out of the bar. The red costumed figure reached out and grabbed a bottle. "Hmm... I wonder who is hurting more. Aren't both of you supposed to be indestructible. Let's find out."

The bottle suddenly smashed against Wolverine's head. This caused a growl to come from the man's throat. "Exactly whose side are you on?"

"Nobodies." Deadpool picked up a chair and suddenly smashed it up against Blob's head. "See?"

"You're a freakin' idiot!" Blob suddenly grabbed Deadpool by the head and flung him out of the window."

"Guess what folks! It looks like we now have a flying Deadpool!"

Blob followed him out of the bar, his face twisted up in anger. "Don't you ever shut up."

"Nope. But he does come in handy some times." Wolverine began to pummel the Blob to get him away from the people who at first watched with horror then ran.

"As the stinky head Wolverine pummeled Play-doh Boy the little chickens ran around with their heads cut out, screaming, 'Ah! A monster has come to town! Look at it stomp down the street oozing'... um … 'melting wax all around'. Ah, yeah! That's it!"

Blob suddenly turned and took his fist to Deadpool flying again. "Shut up you freak!"

"Looks like we have another flying Deadpool moment!" The red costumed figure blinked a couple of times while looking in the direction he came from. "That hurt!" The costumed eyes suddenly narrowed as something came flying at him. Blob suddenly landed on top of him. "Ow! That really hurts!"

"Shut up bub!" Wolverine dove in again, only to be flung away by Blob to smash into a tree.

Deadpool sat up, blinking a couple of times as Blob was no longer on top of him. "Oh! That does it! Deadpool yells with a feral scream as he dive bombs Wolverine for getting him into this particular mess!"

"What feral scream?" Blob suddenly had a confused look on his face.

Deadpool began to pummel at Wolverine, only to find himself cut by the others claws. He clutched his wrist and screamed again. "Look what you've done!" There came a pause as he looked down. "Ah! There is my hand!" He picked up the hand and reattached it. "There! All better!" A sudden rumbling came from below. "Hey... what's that?"

"You idiot." The two suddenly found themselves rocked backwards into a crack in the ground. When they landed on the ground Wolverine glared at him, letting out a growl.

"What?"

"You gave them a chance chance to come and get him."

"Who?"

"Them as in the rest of the Brotherhood. One of their members can cause earthquakes like this." Wolverine began to climb up the wall.

Deadpool grabbed his ankle and yanked him down. "Wait for me."

He then began to climb up and out of the hole. Getting up on top he blinked a couple of times. "Hey... where did everybody go. Even the flying pigs gone."

Wolverine climbed up. "Bub... while we were climbing up they had a chance to get away."

Deadpool held a hand to his chin. "Huh. I didn't think that flying pigs sister could move that fast. They really got away?"

"Shut up bub."

Deadpool shrugged his shoulders. "Oh well. I guess that is all folks. See you around for next time Wolverine and I have a go at chasing down... people... mutants... so we can experiment and torture them."

"Shut up bub. There won't _be_ a next time." Wolverine stalked away then, obviously in a foul mood.

"What's his problem?"


End file.
